wishing...

wishful thoughts...all over my mind...with God's help...i hope they'll come true...

im just wishing im not this bored.
im just wishing i am at my house in kenya.
im just wishing i could eat pizza right now.
im just wishing my bank account had more money from my work which i dont have.
im just wishing that i could get my visa soon.
im just wishing im in school and finish.
im just wishing im with my parents.
im just wishing the world's land mass are all connected.
im just wishing that everyone have a great new year ahead of them.
im just wishing that people work on their relationships.
im just wishing that God will come soon.
im just wishing that every pain will end and no tear will fall.
im just wishing that i will be in heaven with all my love ones.
im just wishing that i can be a mother and a wife soon.
im just wishing that rashid could be with me now as we welcome a new year.
im just wishing my parents were with me this holiday season.
im just wishing that i can get married soon.
im just wishing i could get out of the habit of not sleeping at night.
im just wishing i could talk to rashid everyday.
im just wishing...

snow...ice skating...and fun memories...

well, this week has been quite eventful!!! let me list them up...like i always do...

1. Went to Forest Falls last saturday, about 20 mins from my house and i played with snow! i was wearing cloth shoes so tho i dont wanna leave the 12 inch (or more) snow, i had to since my toes were starting to scream "i think we're dead!!!". my niece loved it as much as i did and my whole family did! was so so fun!!! whheeeeeeee!!!!

2. Lerie and Bayu got married!!! im so happy for them though i really wished i was there...

3. hmmmm...my "fake" aunt is off for the week so she keeps on inviting my family to her house just across the street to eat!!! yummy food!!! she even told me to take a whole pecan pie home! and jelly beans (except the black ones). and roasted chicken. and many more!!!

4. I went ice skating! tried my best to learn impromptu! to some extent, IT WAS SUCCESSFUL! i helped ien to skate and well, she was all over the place so i fell on my butt, like literally on my butt abt 2 times!!! the ice rink was so hard i could feel vibrations up my spine! it was ok tho, i got a big butt so nice cushion!!! oops, that was supposed to be top secret! LOL

5. well. i dont know if my sister will approve of this but hey, im proud abt this! i'll be an aunt again! most likely this coming july!!! yay!!! my mom's got 2 grandkids, i be she'll be pushing me to give her one already! its not gonna be a long wait anyway...*wink*

6. Rashid and I talked over the fone, and he'll be gone till the new year to Zambia. this is the moment of silence where we both dont hear anything from each other, apart from emails. but anyway, when he called me, well, i told him that my "fake" aunt wants to spend for my wedding!!! and well, he said..."baby, prepare the decorations, we'll get married when i come over..." well, he always plays around so i didnt believe him then he said "im not kidding, im serious this time..." hmmm i dont know if i should fall for his jokes or take it seriously. but anyway, im not gonna prepare the decorations till he actually helps out with it! but dang, im a bit shocked! i know i wont get married till he graduates or at least gets stable with a job tho he's still in school but i really wish we could get married next month!!! im so excited to be a mom and a wife!!! yay!!!!!!!!!

7. well, im typing while my eyes are slowly closing! im pretty, well, actually, super duper sleepy!!! anyway, this brings back funny memories!

rashid and I chat when its daytime in his place and night time in my place. so usually i sleep in the morning/afternoon and will always be awake from 10pm to 10 am. well, once i was sleepy, so sleepy that my eyes we're rioting! but still i tried to fight off the sleepiness. well, then rashid asked me if i was sleepy then i told him yes! i told him to just buzz me when he's online on his laptop since we were chatting on the fone. i slept and the next day i checked what i wrote and i started bursting with laughter! i was so sleepy that the only thing i can write was "so jat byxx me wrn ir oblne on ur ;apyo;!!!" that meant, "so jst buzz me wen ur online on ur laptop!!!". oh well, i guess i should sleep now than start writing stuff like that!!! LOL!!!

really excited for rashid's arrival!!! wheeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

worry freak...

i am a worry freak!!! i am not proud of it but thats the truth!!! why cant i just let God handle everything?! i am so stressed coz of my worrying! this thing with my visa is making me worry so much! i need to trust God more, He has plans for me... need prayers please....

p.s. RASHID'S cOMING SOON, now that part im not worried abt...

When we get SCAR(R)ED by our pasts...

i was just thinking...pain comes with every happiness...past will always hunt us, but we can always overcome it...

before meeting rashid, i was hurt, so bad that it made me hate myself. i became self hating for like a year coz i did things that i didnt want and did it on force so i was so regretful of my past. i even thought of ending my life coz i was regretful abt it. it was hard for me to let anybody new in my life tho it took me a short while to fall in love with rashid. I guess i was scarred by my past, i just never loved the other man at all...

trusting another person was so hard because of the scars that embedded on my heart. i was so guilty about my past that i never want to fully give my trust to anyone. but then i realized that i was torturing and hurting rashid coz of it. he accepted me for who i am and for what i came through. i was scared that he would leave me coz of my past but then i proved my conclusion wrong. it took me more than 8 months to finally give my trust away again.

I was just thinking, how many of us are being hindered with happiness coz of our pasts? too many, its like everyone or most of us have something in our pasts that just keeps us from being happy. we're scared, we dont trust people that easily, we're in self denial of happiness which we should receive everday of our lives. i was so scared to be in a new relationship because i was traumatized by my past that i thought, maybe it might happen again.

but then i realized, how are we gonna be happy when we have someone from our past that hurt us so bad and made us think that the path to happiness requires pain or that in every happiness there is pain. sometimes it makes me think that its unfair how life can be painful at times. but i guess that comes with sin.

all i wanted was acceptance and like how God accepted me for who i am, rashid did the same. i realized that if a person truly loves us, no matter who we are, what background we came from, what mischief we've done, if that person loves us, they will accept us. i guess the sense of acceptance slowly healed me from my past. Leaving everything to God's hands is the key to every bit of happiness we desire for. we can't escape the risk and the fear of being hurt again. we just have to face them head on as how we faced our past. eventually when we faced our past problems face to face, we end up succeeding, might be painful but its worthwhile.

our scars will always be there, just a mark of our painful pasts but though we got scars, this does not make us immobile or unable to live a happy life. from every mistake, we learn something from it. maybe all we need to do is give everything to God, we should not be scared of the future, just live the best of our present and never care abt the past. if our past is hindering us, let it go, prepare to be happy for the future while we work on it presently. pain is inevitable, though i am happy right now, once in a while i tear up when arguments come up. but still the happiness is greater and its so much better than hating myself coz of my past.

so to all who are hurting, i think its time for healing. to all who are sad, i think its time for happiness. to all who are scared, i think its time to take risks and face the fears. and to all who is through pain through love, love again and it will heal the pain. God is there, whatever happens, He will lead us through...

contemplating about my ramblings...

Sometimes i feel like i am asking too much from God. Sometimes i ask Him to give me so much things that i wonder, does He ever get tired? But then i realized from my past experience, God has really given me the things that i have asked for. of course not all of them but He has helped me so many times that i get angry at myself as to why I doubt His powers sometimes.

as a normal human being, i think its just normal to ask so much. we humans never have any satisfaction. basically the world is a place where there is no ultimate satisfaction. even though we get what we want, we again want something more. and thinking about it just makes me feel so bad about myself.

God is there for all our requests, pleas, and His help will be there when we need Him. I just hope this fact that He is all powerful and that He loves us so much that He'd hear every prayer we make will stop us from doubting me. i doubt so much and it needs to be stopped.

"Lord, please come soon."

365 days plus 11

Rashid and I are on our 1st year and 1 month in our relationship!!! I am so blessed and I am so happy that he came to my life and brighten it up!

"I love you Rashid and I am looking forward to a lifetime of me being with you! Happy Anniversary + 1 month!!! LOL!!! "

that's all i've got to share...

fixed page...

finally, my blog is fixed!

• background made by me...something that fits my twilight addiction
• logo by me...wahahaha!!!
• and readable texts!
  

man im happy!!!

my finished scrapbooks....so far....

well i'll be posting some of my scrapbook files. the kits are taken from different people, and i dont know them...so yeah...

Digital Scrapbooking

And so, I started to make these digital scrapbooks. If you wanna see it its on my facebook...I guess i'm too bored that eventually my artistic side came out and screamed, "take me out, will you?!" i have not watched the Twilight movie in like 4 days but i'm still listening to the soundtrack! dang, I sure am sort of, not completely, undeniably maybe, maybe somehow, just a little bit addicted to it!!! but hey, everyone's got a slight addiction right!

still missing Rashid...and finally my visa is being processed. I need prayers! God knows whats best, i gotta trust Him...

im so bored im so lazy!!! ugh!!!

Pacman won!!!

Manny Pacqiuao won against Oscar dela Hoya!!! yippee!!! im a pacifist...i dont punch, only bite!!! lol!!!

Just Thinking...Finally...

I was just thinking and there's one thing i realized...IM A BUM!!!

So here are some things I've been doing the whole week:

• Pray for Rashid's green card interview

God answered my prayers and now i'm just waiting for Rashid to come here!!! yayness!!!

• Chat with Rashid, like about 12 hours a day!!! ahahahaha!!!
• Sleep like an owl...I sleep in the morning and is very active at night!!!
• Read books...finished 4 books plus some additional stuff related to the books

I read the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer:
Twilight
New Moon
Eclipse
Breaking Dawn
Plus some other stuff like the half part of Midnight Sun

• Watch Twilight for like 10 times! LOL!!! I saved it in my laptop so I have access to it anytime I want!!!
• Listen to the soundtrack of Twilight

Im currently addicted to Decode, I Caught Myself, Never Think, Bella's Lullaby, and
Full Moon

• Playing Bella's Lullaby
• Eating Doritos Spicy Sweet Chilli
• Bumming and being a couch potato!!!

I guess that's it, these are the things that has helped me continue my existence!!! Wow, those things are depressing!!! That's my life...

Praise The Lord

Rashid got his green card!!! I am hoping he'll be here soon!!! im so excited!!! God listens to our pleas...that's what i've learned and im continually thanking Him for answering my prayers!!! Im so ready to welcome rashid with open arms!!! yayness!!!!