When we get SCAR(R)ED by our pasts...

i was just thinking...pain comes with every happiness...past will always hunt us, but we can always overcome it...

before meeting rashid, i was hurt, so bad that it made me hate myself. i became self hating for like a year coz i did things that i didnt want and did it on force so i was so regretful of my past. i even thought of ending my life coz i was regretful abt it. it was hard for me to let anybody new in my life tho it took me a short while to fall in love with rashid. I guess i was scarred by my past, i just never loved the other man at all...

trusting another person was so hard because of the scars that embedded on my heart. i was so guilty about my past that i never want to fully give my trust to anyone. but then i realized that i was torturing and hurting rashid coz of it. he accepted me for who i am and for what i came through. i was scared that he would leave me coz of my past but then i proved my conclusion wrong. it took me more than 8 months to finally give my trust away again.

I was just thinking, how many of us are being hindered with happiness coz of our pasts? too many, its like everyone or most of us have something in our pasts that just keeps us from being happy. we're scared, we dont trust people that easily, we're in self denial of happiness which we should receive everday of our lives. i was so scared to be in a new relationship because i was traumatized by my past that i thought, maybe it might happen again.

but then i realized, how are we gonna be happy when we have someone from our past that hurt us so bad and made us think that the path to happiness requires pain or that in every happiness there is pain. sometimes it makes me think that its unfair how life can be painful at times. but i guess that comes with sin.

all i wanted was acceptance and like how God accepted me for who i am, rashid did the same. i realized that if a person truly loves us, no matter who we are, what background we came from, what mischief we've done, if that person loves us, they will accept us. i guess the sense of acceptance slowly healed me from my past. Leaving everything to God's hands is the key to every bit of happiness we desire for. we can't escape the risk and the fear of being hurt again. we just have to face them head on as how we faced our past. eventually when we faced our past problems face to face, we end up succeeding, might be painful but its worthwhile.

our scars will always be there, just a mark of our painful pasts but though we got scars, this does not make us immobile or unable to live a happy life. from every mistake, we learn something from it. maybe all we need to do is give everything to God, we should not be scared of the future, just live the best of our present and never care abt the past. if our past is hindering us, let it go, prepare to be happy for the future while we work on it presently. pain is inevitable, though i am happy right now, once in a while i tear up when arguments come up. but still the happiness is greater and its so much better than hating myself coz of my past.

so to all who are hurting, i think its time for healing. to all who are sad, i think its time for happiness. to all who are scared, i think its time to take risks and face the fears. and to all who is through pain through love, love again and it will heal the pain. God is there, whatever happens, He will lead us through...