When people say "I am happy...sniff sniff"

My parents called just today. Its been awhile since I've heard their voices. My mom she always tells me that she's ever so lonely. I mean come on, its the first time, well second time I have been away from them. The first time it was like 7 months then now, its been like more than 2 months and more...I feel bad but hey, I always say "Im ok, dont worry!". Then I talked to my dad, the man who is so hard to crack down! Ok I know the secret but other people, he's "code" is just too hard to decipher. Then my dad said "Hey guess what, we're so happy in the house coz its just me and your mom!" To some people they may think "Oh, so I was just a bother to the happiness?" But hey guess what, that's not what people mean! I know my dad is sad but he tries to cover it up by saying, "We're happy in here! Whoop Whoop!!!" That's when I realized something. How many times in our lives do we say "I am happy...sniff sniff"?

I admit I am pretty good at hiding my emotions, well until recently! I have a tendency to smile though deep inside I am hurting. Everyone has this tendency I guess. I dont like affecting people with my feelings so I kinda show a superficial face to hide what I really feel. But some people just are not that sensitive to actually feel something's wrong. Some people would joke about something and what they dont know is that the person acting all happy has a problem with what that person joked about! So I ask myself, why do I do this smiling-outside-dying-inside thing? Why cant I just show people how I really feel and show them what's up? The only time I learned how to show the real me was with Rashid, when I feel really bad, he'd ask me "are you ok?" then I'd say, "sure im fine" but my face is like the complete opposite! Then he told me "I dont like it when you dont tell me how you feel, its like lying!" Thats when I understood why people say "I am happy" though they are not. We do this coz were scared the person who asks us what's up wont understand why were sad or mad or crazy! So we try to put on a completely different face so that people will understand us. But to people who accepts us for who we are and for what we feel, us telling them something else is lying to them. So now, i dont lie to Rashid about how I feel! when he asks me why I am frowning, I tell him coz i know that no matter how shallow what I say is I know he understands! Maybe my dad said he's happy coz he's scared he'd show weakness if he says he's sad right? Now I get it!

So to conclude this thought, I think we should show what we really feel. I mean if we try to cover it up, it would either be lying to our own selves or fooling others ending up us more hurt. Now to people who ask us what's up, they gotta accept and understand how we feel, coz if not, then being a face-cover up girl is better! And so I decided, to people who dont understand me, that's your problem if you have a problem with what i feel, its my emotions not yours to understand. To people who understand me no matter how stupid I feel, well, thank you! Especially Rashid, thank you for making me realize being true to myself and to you would bring harmony in a home! lolz! Ok enough thoughts for the day....